If you walk into a party and there’s swag when you walk in, grab it. You might see the swag and think “I’ll grab it on the way out so I don’t have to hold on to it all night.”

The problem is: other people will leave the party before you and you’ll end up swagless. Just bring a Baggu or something similar and fill it with swag.

If you lose something while sitting on a soft surface, such as a couch or a bed…it’s underneath you.

Always pack ice chests so that there is as little air in there as possible. Air will melt your ice.

If, while arguing you find yourself saying “Case Closed” or “End of Story”, you’ve already lost (and you know it).

When a judge on a cooking show likes the dish that they are tasting, they’ll say how much they love it, exactly why they love it & they may even make faces that show how much they enjoy it.

If they don’t like it, they’ll just describe the dish.

If the chicken and waffles comes with strawberries, it’s going to be bad.

There is only one toilet plunger. It’s the Korky 99. Don’t waste your money on any other ones, they are only pretenders to the uh… throne

If you have a November birthday, congratulations, you’re a Valentine’s Day baby!

When trying to locate a bathroom in a restaurant, look for the kitchen first. Water lines being what they are, the bathrooms won’t be far.

If someone in a movie or TV show picks up a gun, aims it at someone and does not immediately pull the trigger… they’re not going to.